Let's get this fact out of the way first, The Last House on the Left is a remake. I know the word summons thoughts of disgust and makes you want to avoid this flick at all costs, but bare with me here this is a good movie. Remakes do not have to be bad, sometimes a good story just needs to be told better, and that's exactly what this movie delivers.
This movie is about a family that gets to avenge the horrible acts that are put upon one of its members, the idea that you could show the person that hurt the one you love the degree of pain they caused you is awesome.
Now a story is only as good as it's story teller, and the means in which this message of revenge is portrayed is perfect. A young family "The Collingwoods" are visiting their summer home at a remote lake destination, in hopes of spending some quality time together, but unfortunately another family is passing through town - except this family is a group of sadistic serial killers that just so happen to cross path's with the Collingwood's daughter Mari (Sara Paxton). In fear of her disclosing their whereabouts to authorities, they brutally assault and rape her in a scene that's almost unbearable to watch, this sick family thinks they've killed Mari and leave her to wrought in the lake, but we know that she's not dead. Due to a car accident during the struggle, the assailants are forced to find refuge at a nearby house, well that house just so happens to be the very house of the girl they thought they just killed, this is where the movie gets into high gear. Mari's parents Emma and John, played wonderfully by Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn, welcome the strangers into there house after hearing their convincing stranded story, neither of them know the situation their in until the middle of the night when Mari crawls her way back home.
John, who is a doctor treats Mari's wounds with some stomach turning scenes while Emma realizes the group sleeping next door in their guest house, are the people responsible for their daughters current condition thanks to a clue left by the youngest member of the psycho family, Justin (Spencer Clark). What follows are some intense kill scenes by John and Emma, as they brutally avenge their daughters turmoil. There is a particularly brilliant scene involving a garbage disposal and a pick hammer. At times the gore borderlines torture porn, but this isn't Hostel, this feels different, it's justified. You want every horrible thing this couple is inflicting on these people to happen, because you know they deserve it.
The movie has some pacing issues with some awkward pauses after intense moments, but everything else just works, the acting is right on, the camera work is jumpy but not enough to make you dizzy, and the gore is at the perfect level. This is by no means a horror movie, I never felt scared, I just felt pumped for the ass kicking these people were about to give, and I felt like cheering after each brutal kill they committed upon these horrible people. As weird as it sounds this a hell of a feel good movie, its in a weird package but it delivers the same effect, you leave pumped and proud. Most psycho torture movies leave you feeling disgusted and on edge. It was nice to have something different and fresh, more movies need to be made like this, I think this is the direction the whole torture porn genre needs to be heading in, if your going to show over the top gross out gore, justify it, never should the audience have to question why they are subjecting themselves to what they are viewing.
The Last House on the Left is a prime example of a good story told right, I am biased in the fact that I have not seen the original, so this version may very well suck in comparison to the 1977 version, but on its own this is still a good movie and nothing can change that. I only had one real problem with it, and it was the end, it killed a bit of the films adrenaline and was a bit misplaced. but on the other hand it was ridiculously fun and had the audience cheering.
I recommend seeing this with a group of friends, and just enjoy the ride, you wont be disappointed.
Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5
POSTED BY - PATRICK TOMASSO
Who's In It: Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore.
What's It About: A young man awakens from a four-year coma to hear that his once virginal high-school sweetheart has since become a centerfold in one of the world's most famous men's magazines. He and his sex-crazed best friend decide to take a cross-country road trip in order to crash a party at the magazine's legendary mansion headquarters and win back the girl.
Review:
What we have here is another film that completely fails to be funny, and not because it's not a funny a movie, but because every single funny part is shown in the trailer. I mean actually every laugh out loud comedic part in this movie you can see for free just by visiting the films website. Now what makes this even worse is that in between all the funny parts we see in the trailer, the actual film delivers a stupid plot, extreme over acting, general idiotic behavior, and immature attempts at humor. I counted about 7 mentions of the phrase "pee pee' in regards to urine, that is something a 5 year old would laugh at, not the teenage audience this movie was targeted at.
There really is no reason to see this movie if your looking for laughs, but there is one exception, and that's Craig Robinson - who you may recognize as either the stuck in the 80's henchman from Pineapple Express, or the wife loathing porno producer in Zach and Miri. This guy is comedic gold, and he steals every scene he's in during the movie, but unfortunately there isn't much to grab from, this movie is just annoying to be honest, and that main reason is Trevor Moore, who plays Tucker Cleigh. He looks like ace ventura, and he's just so obnoxiously annoying that I couldn't stand whenever he talked.
I actually may of enjoyed this movie if the right people were cast, though the plot was mindless and it felt like a movie that's been done before, there was something about it that seemed fresh. Still, I will in no way recommend seeing it in theaters, but if by some chance your given a copy when it's on DVD - it wouldn't hurt to give it a quick viewing, it's worth the effort that's needed to endure Trevor Moore just to see Craig Robinson.
The Low Down: All the funny parts are in the trailer, Trevor Moore sucks at acting, the plot is stupid, if you watch it - the only reason is for Craig Robinson as Horsedick.MPEG.
Overall Rating: 2 out of 5
POSTED BY - ADAM BLOOM
So your one of those few people that haven't seen Watchmen yet, let me guess you never read the graphic novel either. Don't worry that's perfectly fine, though one of the all time greatest novels, it's actually relatively unknown to the general population, that's why were giving you another Watchmen review, this time from someone who never read the book. Find out if Watchmen is just a good movie in general.
Here's ETSN contributor Andrew "Dubz" K's review.
Also be sure to check out Jazz's Rorschach inspired review here.
Who Watches the Watchmen?
By, Andrew "Dubz" K.
Let me get this straight right now – I have not read the Watchmen comic. No, it’s not that I do not intend to, it’s just that as it happens, I never have. Which means my view of the film is probably different from someone who, say, has read the source material. Anyway, here goes.
While I watched the Watchmen, I had to ask myself: who watches the Watchmen, and why? The viewer sees this question spray-painted onto a wall early in the movie, and it raises some interesting implications for the superhero previously addressed in movies like The Dark Knight and Spider-Man 2. After so many comic-book and superhero movies have been released in recent years, the viewer must ask: what gives them the right? Why should they be the ones to take on this role? In Watchmen, each of the superheroes answers this question in a different way, and thus fights crime for different reasons, with different equipment and methods, and for different ends.
Watchmen succeeds in areas where most comic book movies fail. It not only asks the question, “what would the world be like with superheroes?” but answers it brilliantly. Director Zack Snyder, who previously directed the acclaimed hit 300, does a good job in assuring that the often campy nature of comics is nowhere to be found in this movie. No, this is a serious film, set in the midst of the Cold War. The audience gets the feeling that the political setting is just as much part of the story as the characters themselves. Watchmen doesn’t always feel like a superhero movie so much as a politically charged murder mystery, or a love story. It doesn’t let itself be confined to the traditional boundaries of the superhero movie, where the good guy gets his powers, the bad guy gets his, bad guy then gets evil motive, fights good guy, loses, rinse, repeat. Watchmen is not a story told in this linear sense. Flashbacks are frequent and sometimes long, and can sometimes be difficult to remember whose flashback it was, why, and in what context in relation to the movie. I admit I was confused during certain parts, and I would bet that had I read the novel, I would not have been.
The acting is good from all the key players. Most notable and entertaining are the Comedian and Rorschach, and I admit I didn’t mind drooling over both of the Silk Spectres. All of the performances are strong, but none are exceptional, except perhaps that of Jackie Earle Haley, who plays the costumed Rorschach. His deep growling voice will remind viewers of Bale’s performance as Batman last summer, except that when Rorschach talks, the viewer knows he isn’t sane. He sounds like he’s just over the edge, and this is explained well in a chilling flashback in prison. You wouldn’t want to get into a fight with Rorschach, a fact he is very proud of when he growls to his fellow inmates, “You people don’t understand. I’m not locked in here with you, you’re locked in here with ME!” The audience is left with no doubts as to the ass-kicking abilities and general bad-assedness of Rorschach.
Speaking of bad-assery, this movie is very violent. Blood spurts everywhere, body parts are severed, blood explodes onto people, the usual. From what I understand, the original novel was not this violent. I can only guess that Snyder was comfortable with his ultra-violent style of 300 that he decided Watchmen was worthy of the old ultra-violence too, eh. One of the best fight scenes is the opening fight sequence. Its grittiness sets the tone for the rest of the film, and no action scene after this fails to disappoint, either. As a big fan of 300, my only complaint is that the fight scenes are too similar to that movie. The technique of slow-motion capture followed by speeding up the sequence was employed beautifully in 300, and I found myself yearning for more here. I’m not sure if this style is best for Watchmen, as I know it to be a distinctly Snyder-ish touch. True, the fight scenes aren’t the focus of the movie, but the slow-then-fast method was used too often. This is a very visually stunning film, full of beautiful CGI and real shots alike. While I’ve never read the book, I could tell that many of the shots in this movie were nearly identical to the pages of the comic. In this respect, Snyder’s Watchmen looks like Alan Moore’s comic. Some of the best effects go towards the creation of Dr. Manhattan, the only real superhero of the whole bunch. It’s interesting that he is the only character in the whole movie with actual “superpowers,” making the rest of the Watchmen obsolete. This obviously presents a problem: why doesn’t he just solve everything and end all the problems we see in the movie? The answer: see the movie, and you’ll understand why that simply isn’t the case. Without giving too much away, I will say that his humanity is constantly in question, and the cinematography allows the viewer to truly appreciate this.
Finally, the music. Scored by Tyler Bates, who also did the music for 300, I am pleased to report that this movie did not sound like its predecessor. It sports a wide range of tracks, from Bob Dylan’s The Times They Are A-Changin’ to Jimi Hendrix’s version of All Along the Watchtower. There are a couple of ill-advised choices for tracks, but for the most part this is not the case. The score itself serves to fuel the themes – nothing spectacular about it, but it doesn’t stray from the film’s scope.
Overall, I liked this movie. I felt the murder plot, while not the sole target of the movie’s focus, to be the weakest link in the chain. The main focus of the movie seemed to be on the superheroes themselves and their struggle with living in a world on the brink of nuclear destruction. This movie is long, clocking in at 163 minutes, but I didn’t feel the length until the final third of the movie. Up until that point, I was enjoying the ride. Come the home stretch, and even I was feeling tired, waiting for it to end. While this is no Dark Knight,it holds its own as not only a great superhero flick, but a decent movie on its own. See this movie if you have even a mild interest in costumed heroes.
Rating: 4 out of 5.
Jazz journal March 7th 2009
Last night sat in dark room with others. Pictures and sounds and big screen. Movie. They were afraid of me. In this world there are good and there are evil movies. And evil movies must be punished. I shall not compromise in this. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise. Movie was Watchmen. Evil? Hmmph. Read and see.
Movie based off twenty-year old graphic novel. People trying to make this movie for twenty years. Finally arrives and the sewers and drains empty themselves into the movie theaters. All of them want to see what has finally been done with Watchmen. Some even dress up. Director put in difficult situation, must please die-hard fans with faithful interpretation whilst still attracting non-fans. Difficult job. Succeeds to some degree. Not entirely.
Graphic novel and movie plot very complex. Try to give brief summary. Costumed heroes appear in 50’s. Fight crime. Retire, new group emerges over next decades. America and Russia in cold war. America gains Dr. Manhattan, man with power of the atom at his fingertips. America wins Vietnam War and Dr. Manhattan acts as walking nuclear deterrent against communist Russians. With Dr. Manhattan no need for men and women dressing up as heroes, government forces them to retire. Movie opens with murder of former costumed hero. Why? Someone targeting masked heroes? Nobody cares. Nobody cares but me. But somebody knows down there. Somebody knows. 
This story is an animal fierce and complicated. Plot sadly too much for one movie. Movie run over two and half hours, still not enough time. Trying to cover two generations of costumed heroes and their back-stories along with imminent nuclear war and mask-killer plot all in one movie. If haven’t read graphic novel, much of back-story flashbacks will seem pointless or confusing. And there are many.
Visually, movie gorgeous. If seeing, see in IMAX if possible. At least see in theater if planning to. Set design and colour-scheme both immaculate. Movie looks as close to graphic novel as possible with live-action. Only movie closer to graphic novel source material Sin City, and Watchmen much more difficult because Sin City is black and white. Some costume changes. Nite Owl II slightly changed, but no real issue. Ozymandias missing seventy-five pounds of muscle and costume looks like leftover costume from 300. Rorshach exceeded expectations. Shifting face eerie and catches attention.
Inside characters different though. Not enough time to give depth of the graphic novel. Characters like Rorschach’s face, either black or white. In graphic novel characters all had faults and virtues. Each character was human and reader did not know what to expect. Movie changes this, makes obvious from very beginning who is good and who is evil. Back-story for many characters limited to one or two flashbacks. Not enough to give any depth, and since characters all either plainly good or evil, unnecessary.
Acting very good on all sides. No performance brilliant, but all cast strong. Most entertaining to watch Comedian and Rorshach. Comedian much more evil in movie than in graphic novel. Fun to watch as anti-hero. Comedian is a bad man, but inhabits a bad world. So he gets away with a little. Rorshach steals show. Acting by Rorshach very good, but not what draws us to him. Character himself so unique and entertaining, cannot help but watch. Different from any other superhero in film, paranoid schizophrenic, sociopath, violent, homophobic and sexist. Entertaining to watch protagonist who is nut case. 
Soundtrack full of great tracks, but bizarre choices for this particular movie. Multiple times the music blatantly hurts movie. Worst offenses are ’99 luftballoons’ and ‘Hallelujah’ during sex scene. Speaking of, sex scenes needlessly long. To point of being uncomfortable. Go on and on and fairly graphic, but add nothing. Although Silk Specter actress has phenomenal behind, so not all bad.
Movie also much, much more violent than graphic novel. Why director turned what could have been pg-13 movie into hard R and potentially limited audience, unsure. Numerous scenes of bone protruding from skin, people exploding into bloody mess and brain matter. Combine with sexual content as well as attempted rape, movie definitely not for kids. Possibly most adult comic book adaptation ever.
Picked up graphic novel again. Strange. Doesn’t feel like same story at all. Director Zack Snyder did as faithful adaptation as possible. But something still missing. Graphic novel had real meaning. Not sure if there is meaning to movie or just director copying graphic novel scene by scene hoping meaning creates itself. Feels like empty shell of Watchmen. Proves that just because pictures are all in same order does not mean soul is there.
Still, was entertained when viewing the Watchmen. Though at times not sure why. Most likely you will feel same way. If haven’t read book, most likely will walk out of theater not quite sure what movie was about, but still satisfied for some reason. Movie is close to three hours and full of sex and extreme violence, themes jumbled and may not make sense first time. If still appeals to you, see movie.
This last entry. Will shortly mail journal to only people can trust. If reading this now, whether I am alive or dead, you will know truth: whatever precise nature of this conspiracy, Zack Snyder responsible. Have done best to make this legible. Believe it paints disturbing picture. Appreciate your recent support and hope world survives long enough for this to reach you, but tanks are in East Berlin and writing is on wall. For my own part, regret nothing. Have lived life free from compromise…
…and step into the shadow now without complaint. 3.5 out of 5 stars
POSTED BY - JAZZ
When it comes to original ideas, Hollywood is the equivalent of GM, as if we can't tell between a Cavalier and a Sunfire. Remaking, re-imagining, or whatever you want to call it is usually looked upon with a grain of salt in the industry, because it's normally a cash grab from the studios and never lives up to the original, nor do they offer anything new. Enter Friday the 13th, an exception.
In this 2009 remake/re-imagining, we go back to the beginning and start fresh with our beloved camp councilor killer Jason Vorhees. The movie opens with a quick flashback to July 13th, 1980 and shows the events that took place in the original first Friday the 13th movie, for those who are not familiar with the original, his mother is the killer and is killed by a teenager right in front of a young Jason, the mother proceeds to instruct Jason via some sort of beyond the grave voice over to avenge her death and "kill them all".
Cut to the present day and Jason has decided to make his mother proud. We get machetes to the head, bear traps, death via sleeping bag, all in the opening sequence, by the time the title appears you know that this isn't the same old Jason we remember. He's quick, agile, and to top it all off he's smart. After the lovely mother son flashback, we are shown a group apparently on a quest to find a crop of weed near crystal lake, by nightfall one of the members tells the story of Jason by the campfire, and one by one Jason picks them all off, and your thinking how can everyone die within the first 20 minutes?, just as you say that the title appears and a shiver goes down your spine, very well crafted opening sequence.
In all honesty I enjoyed the opening bit more than the actual movie, it set a tone the rest just couldn't live up too. I've always said that a villain looses their edge when you know their motive and reasoning, and this almost fell victim to the problem I had with Rob Zombie's recent remake of Halloween, his movie made me feel sorry for Michael Myers when I should of been scared $#@^less of him. The same can be said for this new Friday, but it's not so bad, there is a nice balance between Jason the guy that misses his mom, and Jason im gonna kill anything that walks, to make it even simpler, he's the right amount of crazy.
Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes is proving to be quite the force in the horror remake department, if they can turn old ideas into fresh meat I'd be curious to see what they can do with an original script. Basically Friday is a fun movie, did it need to be made? probably not, but it's safe to say the idea is still alive and Jason is still a marketable psychopath so I'm sure the studios will kick out a sequel sooner or later, as they did with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I can only recommend this flick to Jason fans, and anyone familiar with Platinum Dunes films, but if you cant catch it in theaters I would definitely recommend the rental.
My Score:
3.5 out of 5
POSTED BY - PATRICK TOMASSO on Feb 16 2009 @ 12:00pm
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